Monday, April 17, 2006

Together Apart??

Well, it's interesting to know it's more common than not these days, what with email and skype and cellphones and online dating. Just look within my group of friends, and there are at least 3 of us with long-distance significant others, and one long-distance marriage. But I never knew it was common enough to warrant this...
They actually do real studies and research on this stuff!
According to Chris Bell who wrote "The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide", one of the pitfalls of long-distance relationships is the sometimes unrealistic romantic tone that it takes.

"Couples often plan exciting weekends with each other, creating a honeymoon-like fantasy atmosphere when they get together. Unlike in a relationship with someone living nearby, the mundane little things in life that are part of most romances are rarely factored in, potentially creating a relationship not as grounded in reality."

"A long-distance relationship can also mean more alone time than desired. If you decide you're going to pursue a monogamous, long-distance relationship, then that suddenly means your Saturday nights are really boring. And you can find yourself questioning whether you made the right decision..."
True that!!! I have worried that our short time periods together do take a less realistic dream-like tone. When you only have a few short days together, the last thing you want to do is pick a fight. And the lonely times do get pretty depressing some times, but one does get used to it...
But wait... there is hope...
Survival Tip #1
First and foremost, remember that despite anything people tell you to the contrary, studies have shown that LDRs have as much chance of making it as any other relationship.
Survival Tim #28
Research has shown that whenever we are separated from someone we care about, we experience a very normal range of emotions. Anger, guilt, depression, anxiety... Realize that sometimes these emotions may be caused simply by separation rather than something more complex.
And finally, some steps I found relevant for staying emotionally healthy in a LDR:
#2 Socialize. The answer to emotional and social loneliness is to get out and spend time with your friends.
#5 Take control. Recognize you have a choice in the decision to continue with the LDR rather than give up career goals, etc.
#7 View the separation as temporary.
Ok, that's enough heavy stuff for this morning!

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